Why do I suck at posting? Why do I not just type things and put it online like I tell everyone back home that I’m going to? I know you’re wondering. I am as well. I have no answer. But I just made an excel spreadsheet named “Goals” and put “Post on blog once a week” on there. Right under “Eat 1 real meal every day”. Life. Is. Not. Easy.
There’s no particular topic for this blog so if you’re looking for something neat and organized, HA click somewhere else.
But I do want to talk a little bit about life in general. Because obviously as a b a r e l y 22 year old I just know sooOOoo oo0o much. (omg I’m being sarcastic, calm down people). But there’s just been this one sentence running through my mind lately that I think I could address – at least in the way that it fits into my own life:
“Please. Eat more vegetables. And go to bed at a more reasonable hour, Beth.”
Oh, wait no. I guess there’s been two sentences running through my mind. I was talking about the other one…
“Being sad when you’re trying your best is one thing; But how do you know you’re truly sad if you’re not trying your hardest to be happy?”
Okay, so that one is a bit more insightful. And I’m sure it was planted in my head from some unknown energy or source in the air because I sure as hell didn’t think of it all by myself. But I am grateful for that energy or source or fairy wand, because it’s given me a lot to think about.
It is easy to be sad when you are not trying your hardest. I went many days, even weeks, here in Madrid, so far away from home, where I come home from school and sleep or waste time on social media and YouTube (yes I still watch youtube. call me an eighth grader. idc. I’ve heard it all before). Or Sunday’s that have been wasted because I didn’t get much sleep on Saturday night. And I’m not saying I wasn’t having any fun – but I am saying that I wasn’t trying my hardest.
Adjusting back to being in Madrid after spending Christmas at home was hard. Luckily – my amazing brothers were here visiting and they helped me ease back into things (ily boys & sorry for the mascara stains on your shirt, Danny). But for the first few weeks of this semester I kept thinking, “Why am I so sad here?” And that’s when I realized: I just wasn’t trying my hardest.
But now I am. *Hence: Goals on an Excel Spreadsheet.* I’m going out of my way to talk to people and practice Spanish. I’m looking for ways to spend time out of the house and heeding the great advice of one of my friends: “Spend as little time alone as possible”. I’m eating better and sleeping better and washing my hair when I should. I’m putting in work on my research and my classes. I even drink green tea! For me, that is the definition of trying my hardest. And guess what? I’m not even sad anymore.
I was only sad due to the circumstances that I put myself in. Not the circumstances that I was actually in.
I love the school I teach at. I love the classes I’m taking. I love the people I’m surrounded with. I love learning a new language and new parts of the city every single day. I wasn’t really sad… it was just a lack of trying.
And now I’m sitting here with a terrible cold (because I’ve spent 10 hours this past week teaching 3-5 year olds a dance to One Direction), getting ready to go watch El Clasico with some people I really love, writing a post that has really no point but to brag about how well I’ve been doing. Just by simply putting a little effort in.
I don’t know, it might not change your millennial life like it did mine, but maybe just… try trying…? (I just shoulder shrugged at the end of this sentence – idk how to write that out but I felt it was necessary to share).
DREAM ON PEEPS,