Remember when I mentioned The Canterbury Tales last week? And I was like “yea, same same but different”? Well same same because I also am an unreliable narrator. Like very unreliable. I mean, in life I’m reliable, but as a narrator I just don’t think it’s possible. The Canterbury Tales is probably literary’s most famous unreliable narrator, and I guess The Unemployed Tales will be the second.
It is truly a wild time to be alive. And I don’t want to sound like everyone else or talk about the pandemic just because Yuck. We’ve heard enough, truly. And as I was saying before, I’m completely unreliable because I know literally nothing but my own life. And the only thing that it’s taught me is that I can practically hear God screaming at us to use this time to slow down. Heard ya, God.
But slowing down is completely out of my nature. Well, maybe that’s a lie – I don’t mind slowing down, like completely to a full stop, in my bed, sleeping all day. But I do like to be in control, and I think that’s the hard part of all of this – that we don’t see an ending and in many industries, especially the one I (will eventually) work in, the future is so unpredictable. And going through the day to day, feeling like you don’t really have anything to give to, or to be passionate about, is totally against our human nature. I could easily go through a whole day not leaving the house or talking to literally anyone. I try not to, but I easily could. And it starts to wear me down; feeling like I’m not contributing to the turning of the world, even though it’s not my own fault. Having the same routine, or lack of routine I should say, is something that I am totally not used to. I just moved home from Spain one year ago (literally one year ago today. I’m not crying, I swear) and have lived in 2 different places and had 3 different jobs since then. So this complete lack of pressure from the world to contribute, leads to an internal increase of pressure coming from my own mind.
And it’s insane the amount of pressure we put on ourselves to produce – the whole world was at basically a standstill and we still felt like we need to be producing. Like a day off is a day that was not worth anything. Like we must be an extra kind of productive to be worthy. Or that we must earn the time off that we’ve been given. Sometimes it feels like the whole weight of the world is collapsing in on me. Which is a little odd considering the weight of the world should be light considering how empty it is right now.
Maybe it’s just time to take a second and see what God is trying to tell us in all of this. Like maybe that our worth isn’t based on what we have in our hands or on our dockets at the end of the day. That maybe we can just slow down and do something that has no other outcome other than… nothing. How we can rest and have fun and still deem the day as successful. Soon we will have to realize that the rush is for nothing. It is towards nothing. And we will finally see that our worth is dependent on how we make people feel loved. Including ourselves. And taking the time to do that, is everything but worthless.